It's a Wednesday night..3:30 am. I am not exactly sleepless, but still not willing to sleep.
I just got off a call from an old friend and the numbness after that created a thirst for feelings in me. Not sure if it happens to anyone else. I often feel this same emptiness inside of me, what makes me...well, let's say more empty.
I am not an emotional person on the basis of universal emotions. I spent lot of my awake moments just thinking about stuffs that shouldn't really matter to any living thing. I try to figure out something that doesn't require a solution. So when I finished the call and looked out of the window to see the deserted road with the street lights and the dark figure of the hill nearby, I felt nothing. I should have felt sorrow for my friend, upset for not being able to share it for longer, maybe even delighted that I can now go back to sleep. I thought of all these,but as I said earlier, I felt nothing.
I was just staring out of the window in the silence of my mind......
Have you ever listened to silence? Silence have a lots to say, it talks to me a lot. But the one word it keeps repeating is loneliness. I believe a person can know himself only half all by himself. For the rest half he needs to ask the people who loves them or hates them the most. So when you are alone for a long time you gradually forget yourself. You don't know who you are, what you can do and most of all why does that damn organ keep beating when no body's really there to listen to it. Well when you are alone you just dilute into never ending confusions about the world and yourself. Moreover you become insignificant to the world since you are not keeping account of anyone else's other half either. you just become YOU.
In this call that's keeping me awake, my friend told me he couldn't lie, when he had to. Well he simply can't lie. I noticed the won't in his can't. If you really think about it, all these lying, false admiring, sacrificing and even sometime thinking out your steps like playing a game is actually part of loving someone. As much as it sounds uncanny it's the way love works. When you say you can't lie, when you say you don't want to play it, that means you simply don't care enough to do all these. I know this because I CAN'T lie either.
I know none of these will make sense to anyone. In fact tomorrow morning when I wake up (hope I can), I bet it won't make any sense to me either. But tonight I had to feel something, I had to quench my thirst....and I felt this. Even if it doesn't make sense, I know it's a lovely feeling. It's a feeling for all those hearts all over the world who is slowly and gradually becoming a single letter I and it's a realization of how much they can be willing to be a part of WE, but simply can't figure out how! So am I...So is he....
