Back to square one. Back to what I call 'Normal'. The same old bunch of Death-cab songs with the hint of Nada Surf and Colin Hay screaming out hopelessness of life, episodes of some new and mostly old sitcoms showing life's meaning, scribbling down some immature philosophies developed by an inexperienced mind and most of all, the over-used but still comfortable corner of my bed. Yes, back to where life used to be. And the time-out I took in between, only taught me more about the feeling I have always conceived and never understood completely-emptiness!
Now that I think about it, emptiness is the natural habitat of mine. No matter what craziness gets into me for a while and makes me happy or sad or content in some other way, after a while I am bound to be back to my emptiness. I don't choose it, but I lead my way into it. And once I am there, everything else feels like a lie or an illusion. I was never happy before, I was never sad before. And most probably I am never going to be. That's what I am.
Other than that all I have is my obsessions. Obsessions, that come and go. Makes me happy, then busy, then occupied and all of a sudden it's gone. It's over. And the worst part about loosing something dear for me is not the loss itself, but how soon they are all forgotten. Even the longest obsession I had, the one that always kept me content for months, made me happy and cheerful, will be forgotten in days time. And I will never know that I can be all that. I will not remember what I had. It's just the emptiness that would remain. I wouldn't know what I am missing.
When I lost the sight of the dearest little bliss of mine, it asked me if I'll be fine. I promised that I will. I know that I will. But sometime fine is the last thing one want to be. Do you?