FEAR

Another morning, another day
And I'm scared
I'm scared of the first sunlight that touches my face and licks my arms a little
I'm scared of the honk that was made before I woke
I'm scared of the sudden hissing noise from the oven
I'm scared of my next door neighbour, who spits on my door and looks at me in a weird way
I'm scared of walking down the road behind my house, especially in a rainy day or when there's too much sun
I'm scared of the smile that I put on everyday, and scared of loosing it once in a while
I'm scared of that fat lady who once told me that I was wrong-what if she's right!
I'm scared of the fight that never occurred and the one I can't visualize
I'm scared of my tears and scared that would stop one day

I'm scared of being too close to you
I'm scared of you and scared of me...
I'm scared of the obvious loneliness implied by the fear of intimacy
I'm scared of being known, so as not to be judged and I am the one who judge myself most
I'm scared to be the odd one out...

I'm not scared of the nights though
Nights are all mine....
The almost silence, the distant sound of dogs barking, the hint of chilliness, the sense of world being in sleep, the reminiscing of memories, the being alone-ness (not loneliness)-they are all mine. And all through the night I keep wondering how wrong it would be to run away from this constant fear of the day, while waiting for the cruel sun again.